American social psychologist Festinger (Festinger) has a very famous judgment called the "Festinger rule": 10% of life is made up of things that happen to you, and the other 90% are determined by how you react to what happens.
In other words, 10% of our lives are beyond our control, while the other 90% are what we can control.
Festinger cited such an example in the book:
When Kasdin gets up and washes in the morning, he puts his fancy watch at the washing table, and when his wife is afraid of being wet by water, she puts it on the table. When the son got up and took the bread on the table, he accidentally broke the watch on the floor.
Kasdin loved her watch and beat her son's butt, and then scolded his wife in black face. The wife was not convinced that he was afraid that the water would wet the watch. Kasdin said his watch was waterproof.
So the two people bicker fiercely. In a hurry, Kasdin didn't eat breakfast. He drove directly to the company. When he got to the company, he suddenly remembered that he had forgotten his briefcase and immediately turned home.
But no one at home, the wife went to work, the son went to school, Kasdin keys left in the briefcase, he could not enter the door, and had to call his wife to ask for keys.
When the wife hurried home, she knocked over the roadside fruit stall. The stall owner took her away and asked her to pay for it. She had to pay a sum of money to get rid of it.
After being briefed on the briefcase, Kasdin was 15 minutes late and was severely criticized by his boss. Kasdin was in a bad mood. I had a quarrel with my colleagues because of a trivial matter before I went to work.
The wife also was deducted from the morning full attendance award, the son this day to take part in the baseball game, the original title is expected, but because of bad mood to play poor, the first game was eliminated.
In this case, the breakdown of watches is 10%, and the latter is 90%. It was all because the parties did not have a good command of the 90% that led to the day of "a bad day". Just imagine, if Kasdin was born after that 10%, if there was another reaction. For example, he comforted his son: "never mind, son, watch broken, okay, I'll take it to repair it." So the son is happy, the wife is happy, and his mood is good, then everything will not happen afterwards.
Obviously, you can't control the 10% in front of you, but you can decide the remaining 90% by your mind and behavior.
Above things, you may think in your heart, this is easy to do, not to maintain a good state of mind, to face life calmly.
But the following example is you, can you do it well?
In the United States, there is a couple who gave birth to a boy in 11 years after marriage. Husband and wife love, boy naturally is the baby of two people! One morning when the boy was two years old, when her husband went to work, he saw a bottle of potion that opened the lid on the table. But because of the time, he only told his wife, "remember to take the bottle well!" And then shut the door in a hurry to go to work.
The wife was busy in the kitchen, but forgot her husband's exhortation. The boy picked up the medicine bottle and was attracted by the color of the medicine. He was curious, so he drank it all in one breath. The dosage of the medicine is very high, even if the adults can only take a small amount. Because the boy takes too much medicine, though he is sent to the hospital in time, he is still in the wind.
The wife was stunned by a sudden accident! I don't know how to face my husband, I'm more afraid of my husband's reproach...
Anxious father rushed to the hospital, learned the sad news, very sad! Looking at his son's body, he looked at his wife and whispered four words in her ear: "I love you dear!" (dear, I love you!)
When I saw the phrase "I love you dear!" (dear, I love you!) At the time, the heart is really filled with emotion.
- what a simple word!
But how long should we practice, how much tolerance we need, and how much wisdom we have in life, can we say such a touching sentence at that moment?
In fact, when a person is confronted with unfortunate events, how can we face the future and the people, things and things around us if we can't choose the most appropriate way to face it. If this happens to most of us, we may be angry and insult. It is not impossible to impress any tragedy. Finally, the vast majority of outcomes: there is a thick layer of estrangement between husband and wife, and the breakdown of marriage.
In the face of all kinds of situations in life, we all have the ability to choose. In the face of an unfortunate incident, you can be furious, blame others, even blame everyone, but things will not change because of these. Unfortunately, it will continue to accompany you in your later life and let you live with your life's pain.
On the contrary, if you can lay down resentment and fear, look at things in a different angle and live bravely, the situation may not be as bad as it is. A short story, but it can understand the truth, and it can be practiced in real life. How many people can do it?
In the final analysis, this is a state of mind: actually, it can help others rather than themselves. If we understand and skillfully use the "Festinger rule" to do things, all problems will be solved.
In life, let us develop such an idea:
Yes, it's good.
No, it doesn't matter.
In this way, we can turn bitter into happiness and be carefree. What happens to me, let me